Designing for the Sexes

Several years ago, I began working with a husband and wife who were embarking on the construction of a new home.  They had been planning and saving for years for this project, but when it came time to really hammer out the details of how the home would take shape, they found themselves stymied to come up with a vision of how it would all come together.
Differences of opinion about what is attractive weren't the only challenges, but were compounded by their differences in thought processes, decision-making styles and the ability to envision a home that didn't even actually exist yet. Although an exceptionally well-matched couple in so many ways, these people found themselves terribly frustrated by the difficulties of facing so many design decisions on which their individual thoughts were contrary to each other.
The issue of "Designing for the Sexes" is only partly about gender, and a lot about melding the likes, dislikes, and thought processes of two different people.  The stereotypical assumption is that women generally want what I call 'frou-frou' styling, consisting of floral patterns, ruffles, lace and other very feminine elements, while men will go for plaids, stripes, dark colors and animal mounts on the walls.  Although that stereotype sometimes bears itself out, the reality is that conflicts in decorating more often arise from husbands and wives differing about whether their home's overall style should be casual, traditional, or trend-setting, not just feminine or masculine.  In addition, the process is made significantly more complicated when, as is very often the case, one party is a 'right-brained thinker' and the other is more 'left-brained'.
People who are predominantly right-brained thinkers tend to be very creative, are attracted to things that are unique, prefer asymmetry, and can easily envision how something will look before it actually exists.  Strong left-brained thinkers are much more analytical, often unsettled by 'too much going on' in a room, and even though they may have a myriad of product samples right in front of them, will have difficulty imagining how those things will look in their room.  Neither of these types of thinking is superior to the other; they are simply different.
My husband and I are textbook examples of the challenge inherent in 'two personality' decorating.  I'm not sure if I'll ever fully recover from the time when I stripped wallpaper in our 120-year-old living room and found underneath it the signature and date of the designer who had done the room sixty years earlier.  I was elated at my discovery, and immediately planned to leave that small area untouched, surrounding it by my new wall treatment but framing out this little bit of history as a small focal point.  My very practical husband, arising early the next morning and intending to be helpful, diligently scrubbed what he saw as an obnoxious bit of graffiti right off of that wall.
So, if you are a couple who have differing tastes in overall decorating style, AND completely different ways of thinking through the decorating process, how is that going to play out in your home? First of all, you need to analyze where your similarities and differences lie.  Then, begin to formulate a plan for the room(s) you will be decorating.  Thirdly, recognize if it would be helpful to enlist the assistance of a professional interior decorator, and if so choose someone who will really listen to both of you, who understands the psychology of the decision-making process, will work hard to coordinate your preferences, and guide you expertly through the process from start to finish.

(before)

(after)

(Even with two very different decorating styles and tastes, we were able to make this room beautiful and functional for everyone to enjoy)

There are three keys to making this work and ensuring that both parties will end up satisfied: incorporating some elements from each of your decorating preferences, creating a good balance and coordination of both, and of course some compromise on both of your parts.  It's not an easy task, and must be done carefully in order to end up with rooms that have an overall pleasing appearance in addition to incorporating the tastes of two different people.  However, it can be done, and if done well will result in not only a great look, but a real feeling of personalization in your home.